Poro Snax

By Enji, 12 September 2015

October is rolling around the corner and you know what that means! No not Halloween you silly yet majestic gosling. No, it’s time for the League of Legends World Champion Series! Finals this year are on October 31st, which means you can cosplay to both be a fan and celebrate the holiday. But it also means that you might need some super themed snacks so everyone can smeckledorfed by your culinary creativity.

Some of you might be asking what kind of treats can I make based in the world of League of Legends (while the rest question if smeckledorfed is even a word). Well that’s why I’m here to help all you Summoners, because while I might be Bronze 4 on the Rift, I’m Master in the Kitchen.

Today’s treat will take us to the frozen fjords of the Freljord where there is a war between factions, but who really cares when there are cute little balls of fluff called Poros! These cute critters can be found around the Howling Abyss where champions can feed them Poro-Snax until they burst! At first glance, Poro-Snax look little more than glorified sweet rolls. However, unbeknownst to a large swath of the public, Poros are viscous carnivores that enjoy the taste of Freljordian Game Hens. I tried to make my Poro-Snax with this in mind, as well as the climate of the Freljord.

Crafting Ingredients:

  • Whole Chicken
  • Lemon Pepper
  • Rosemary
  • Croissant Dough
  • Biscuit Gravy (optional)

Player’s Guide:

There is an easy mode and a hard mode to making Poro-Snax. Hard mode would require that you make your own croissant dough,rotisserie chicken, and gravy from scratch, which is a pain in the Gromp I applaud you if you decide to do hard mode, but for all my friends out there who just want to eat and be done with it, go grab a rotisserie chicken (plain or lemon pepper if they have it), biscuit gravy mix, and 2 tubes of croissant dough from your local food marketplace and meet me in the kitchen. Preheat your oven to 350˚F and press start.

So first things first, we’re going to break down this chicken. Remove all the skin and toss that out. Take all of the meat, tossing the bones, and place it in a bowl with lemon pepper (if plain rotisserie chicken) and rosemary to taste. This will add a lot of flavor and the two spices compliment each other really well. If you have latex gloves on hand, put them on because this next part is messy. Stick your hands into the bowl and start shredding the chicken with pulling and twisting motions. While doing this you’re making the chicken small enough to be wrapped up in the dough and mixing the spices more uniformly.

Next up is that dough. Flatten out the dough and ignore the lines for making croissants by rolling them out harder than Rammus with Mobi Boots. Once the dough is a uniform sheet, place the chicken in the center and spread it out , leaving about 1/2 inch from two sides of the sheet (the long sides preferably). Roll up the dough like a rug, starting from the long side, then slice into wheels. Place those bad boys onto a cooking sheet and brush with milk if you want to be fancy about it and get that golden brown color. Let them sit in the oven for 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. During the bake time you can make your gravy so when the Poro-Snax are done you can gently drizzle then serve them up.


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