Braum’s Beer Pretzels (Braumetzels)

Last week I was at the Sangawa Project in Pittsburgh, PA with our Sticky Bunton affiliates meeting new people, hanging out at panels, and, most importantly, spreading the goodness of freshly baked goods. Several days before the convention I decided that I was going to, you guessed it, make another League of Legends recipe. Decided that while we’re in the heart of December we’d have the do a recipe based of the Heart of the Freljord himself, Braum.

It would have been really easy to make super special Poro Snax, since Braum’s signature Poro Snax are an item in the game which create magic Poro staches. But we don’t do easy, we do creative or difficult and sometimes both, but in this case creative. We had our crew of lore specialists come up with this one, where the fairy tales and legends of Braum are so far spread that innkeepers across the Freljord bake braumtzels for their patrons to be warmed by as the bard sings another of the man’s legendary feats. It’s also a great way for Gragas to sell his brew. But the the specialness of the braumtzel is that it’s modeled after the mythical man’s very own mustache, a feature that has children cheer with glee as they hold it up to their faces and let out a big bellowing laugh like Braum himself. Is it canon? No. But is it heartwarming? Absolutely. Just as heartwarming as making these day brightening baked goods for your friends and family.

Crafting Ingredients:

  • 3 Cups of Flour
  • 1 Package of Active Yeast
  • 2 Tblspn Oil
  • 1 Tblspn Sugar
  • 1 Cup of Warm Water
  • Coarse Salt

Player’s Guide:

Making Pretzels is a bit like making bread, but making soft beer pretzels is a mix of patience and yeast. Speaking of yeast, first step is to mix the yeast into the water until it dissolves. Mix in half the flour, the oil, and sugar together and beat until smooth (3-5 minutes). Gradually add the remaining flour and then kneed the dough for 5 minutes (add flour if sticky) and place into a greased bowl for an hour to let it rise.

This next step is pretty fun, but first turn up the oven to 425˚F. Finish that? Good. Now punch the dough like there’s a stranded troll child stuck in a mountain. Well not that hard, just punch it down once, maybe twice, and then divide the dough into 10-12 balls of equal size.

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Roll out the dough into a rod and twirl into a stylized “W” or a handlebar mustache. Whichever way you visualize it, the picture below this paragraph. Place a pot of water with baking soda (1tblspn per cup of water), enough for a braumtzel to float above the bottom of the pot, and set it to boil. While waiting for a hot pot to boil, have the pretzels sit on a greased pan and let them rise a bit more ( we’ve still got some yeast power) until they are puffy, 25-30 minutes. When the water is boiling, set one pretzel into the water for 10 seconds, then flip it for another 10 seconds, then remove with a slotted spoon.

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Slap those babies right back onto baking sheet and shove them into the oven. Now chill some mugs and pick your favorite Bavarian or Freljordian brew and in about 10-12 minutes (or until golden brown) your pretzels will be completed! Serve with cheese sauce or a whole grain mustard and enjoy your hearth and homey snacks this winter! Next time on Smorgasdork, we’re not going to be leaving Runeterra just yet.

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